Real listening

Murphy argues that most of us are not listening; we are waiting for our turn to talk or preparing a clever reply. Buyers notice.

Make them feel understood

Goulston's core idea is that people move from resistance to openness when they feel "felt", that is, understood at an emotional level. Before you answer an objection, show you understand why they feel that way.

Practical listening tools

• Ask open questions (what, how, tell me about) and then stay quiet.
• Repeat back the key point in your own words: "So the real issue is..."
• Ask "What else?" before moving on; the second answer is often the real one.
• Resist "me too" stories that pull attention back to you.

Garner adds an easy habit from conversation skills: notice "free information" in what people say, the extra details they didn't have to mention, and ask about it. That detail usually matters to them.

Apply it: Car sales

Your product: a hybrid crossover. Your buyer: a family choosing their next car.

Record or replay one practice call. Count how many times you asked 'what else?' and how often you summarised what the customer said. Aim for at least two of each next time.

Study plan (40 min)

• Read: 20 min
• Written exercise: 20 min

Based on

• You're Not Listening (Kate Murphy)
• Just Listen (Mark Goulston)
• Conversationally Speaking (Alan Garner)