Tactical empathy: labels, mirrors and the accusation audit

Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, teaches that people need to feel understood before they can be reasoned with. He calls it tactical empathy.

Mirroring

Repeat the last one to three important words the person said, with an upward tone. It invites them to keep talking. "Too expensive?"

Labelling

Name the emotion you sense: "It seems like you're worried about...", "It sounds like...". Then go silent. A correct label calms negative emotions; a wrong one gets corrected, which also helps you.

The accusation audit

Before they can say it, list the worst things they might be thinking about you: "You're probably thinking this is another salesperson who'll waste your time." Saying it first takes the sting out.

Getting to "that's right"

The goal is for the buyer to say "That's right", which means they feel fully understood, rather than "You're right", which often means "please stop talking".

Apply it: Startup pitch to investors

Your product: a 15% stake in your startup. Your buyer: an angel investor.

Write an accusation audit for your product (the three worst things a buyer might think). In your next practice call, use at least two labels and two mirrors.

Study plan (40 min)

• Read: 20 min
• Written exercise: 20 min

Based on

• Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss)